rough day

Sunday was a sad day for our little family. Sometimes I am terrified that I am going to screw my kids up somehow. Even though while in the moment I think I am doing alright. That I am parenting as best as I know how and I make it an effort to study and research every possible mommy tip, idea and strategy and then make it my own.
There are days when I crawl into bed at night and I rerun through all the moments I had with each of my children and I can say.. "Today was a really good day and I feel really good at the moments I had with Ellie, and I am glad I stuck to my guns in a punishment with Connor...ect."

There are also days that are the complete opposite. Days that I am sure I have created a teenage monster in an 8 year old's body, or that I wasn't compassionate enough,or kind enough. When all my efforts to not yell at anyone that day fail.

Then there are days like Sunday. When we had to decide if we wanted to tell our kids the truth about having to get rid of our family pet, our dog Lucy. And even though it might sound silly and no big deal to some, our kids became so attached to that sweet dog. Even months before, when we hinted at the idea of letting her live with another family that can keep her inside all the time and be home to play with her everyday we were bombarded with heavy sobs and tears.

But the decision had to be made because of our busy summer plans and Scott and I went back and forth on whether or not we should just tell the kids that Lucy got out of the backyard (not that unusual lately) and we hadn't seen her in days. This we thought would be a quick, blameless solution. Or, we could sit them down and just tell the truth. Explaining all the pros for Lucy and for us.

Long story short, we did end up with sobs and tears. More sadness than I had ever seen my kids express. I did have terrifying thoughts that my kids were now scarred in some way and they would have this to add to a therapist's bill someday. I even tried to lessen the blow by having them express how they felt by writing a letter to Lucy and one to the family that would get her next.
It was sad. So sad. Scott and I held back tears just watching our babies lose something they loved so much.

Sunday night will be a memorable one for me as a mother and I don't know if I did the right thing, or if we did it in the best way. But I will tell you this, I feel good about not lying to our kids. I feel good about how it ended and that Scott and I handled a hard situation (small as it may seem) together.